Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and

Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality ❴Reading❵ ➶ Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality Author Jacob Tomsky – Thomashillier.co.uk In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent and misspent in the hotel industry Jacob Tomsky never intended to g In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential Beds: A Epub Ù and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent and misspent in the hotel industry Jacob Tomsky never intended to go Heads in MOBI :↠ into the hotel business As a new college graduate, armed only with a philosophy degree and a singular lack of career direction, he became a valet parker for a large luxury hotel in in Beds: A eBook ✓ New Orleans Yet, rising fast through the ranks, he ended up working in hospitality for than a decade, doing everything from supervising the housekeeping department to manning the front desk at an upscale Manhattan hotel He s checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service meals, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late checkout, given you a wake up call, eaten MM s out of your minibar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money In Heads in Beds he pulls back the curtain to expose the crazy and compelling reality of a multi billion dollar industry we think we know Heads in Beds is a funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life, told by a keenly observant insider who s seen it all Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on in the valet parking garage, the housekeeping department s dirty little secrets not to mention the shameless activities of the guests, who are rarely on their best behavior Prepare to be moved, too, by his candor about what it s like to toil in a highly demanding service industry at the luxury level, where people expect to get what they pay for and often a whole lot Employees are poorly paid and frequently abused by coworkers and guests alike, and maintaining a semblance of sanity is a daily challengeAlong his journey Tomsky also reveals the secrets of the industry, offering easy ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle This book and a timely proffered twenty dollar bill will help you score late checkouts and upgrades, get free stuff galore, and make that pay per view charge magically disappear Thanks to him you ll know how to get the very best service from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds Or, at the very least, you will keep the bellmen from taking your luggage into the camera free back office and bashing it against the wall repeatedly.


10 thoughts on “Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality

  1. Stacia (the 2010 club) Stacia (the 2010 club) says:

    Hotels have no thirteenth floor, hence I have no thirteenth chapter I m guessing there s at least one person who s reading this review that has never noticed most hotel elevators don t have a button for floor number 13 Dear Author, I hadfun reading your book than I have had reading memoirs from actual comedians A trashy errr classy girl like me really vibes on your kind of humor Please ignore the fact that I just reviewed a book for being too brash and crude You, sir, are nothing Hotels have no thirteenth floor, hence I have no thirteenth chapter I m guessing there s at least one person who s reading this review that has never noticed most hotel elevators don t have a button for floor number 13 Dear Author, I hadfun reading your book than I have had reading memoirs from actual comedians A trashy errr classy girl like me really vibes on your kind of humor Please ignore the fact that I just reviewed a book for being too brash and crude You, sir, are nothing of the sort Your specific brand of humor may be too much for some, but I was dying over here in my little reading zone Dying in a good way, that is I d say we should hang out but you want cash, not nipple slips Dammit I m kind of short on cash at the moment.Talk about a great voice Everything was told like it happened and if there were embellishments, we ll never know I appreciate that Hell to the yes this book was funny in the sort of way that only guys who have gone through crap and have come out on the other side can be And don t forget helpful Helpful funny good deal What exactly is Head in Bedwhoops, I meant Heads in Beds about This is an irreverent look at what exactly goes on behind the scenes in the hotel industry And boy, does stuff go on I found bondage gear still attached to the towel holder that had been ripped out of the wall, the prisoner escaped, I suppose, wandering the hallways in a ball gag I ve seen footage of close packed fistfights in a rising elevator incredibly confined and extremely interesting to watch, especially if there are unrelated people along for the ride, backs pushed against the wall and hands protectively raised before their faces Yeah, i m in room 1205 I accidentally ordered a movie Can you take it off the bill Certainly, sir Over to the movie console to cancel porn name removed because it might offend someone but it made me laugh hard two minutes and seven seconds into playback I guess the opening credits were sufficient.Worry not The systems have changed, and we can no longer see the movie titles I mean, we know that the new releases cost 12.95 and the sexual releases cost 14.95 We just no longer have access to your specific fetishes Not that we judge you LIE.There were celebrity antics aplenty We had a few working class celebrities, nice guys like Tony Danza who stuck it out because the bellmen here weren t afraid to scream, Ayo Toneee, when he would swagger into the lobby, and you could tell, Danza loved that shit.Tips You want tips Here s one Don t drink from the in room glasses Certainly not all, but some of them were using furniture polish on the drinking glasses Keeping those glasses clean looking was also part of the job Do you see any dish soap on a housekeeping cart So the next time you put a little tap water into the minibar glass and wonder to yourself why it has a pleasant lemon aftertaste, that s because you just took a shot of Pledge.I liked how each new story sort of came with its own built in tip for how to get what you want during your hotel stay The glossaries at the end were also priceless Loved this book and loved the PoV Good luck in your future endeavors, Mr AuthorDon t forget where you came from, Tommy I never have Valet 4 Life, motherfuckers.This book was provided from the publisher through Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review


  2. Jaclyn Day Jaclyn Day says:

    Heads in Beds is the perfect dessert book Dessert books are the books you want to read when you don t want to cry at the end or get too emotionally involved in an overly intricate plot or when you really don t want to think too hard about anything at the end of a shitty day Sometimes people might think that lighter reading fare means that it s intrinsically not good, but that s just a matter of perspective For me, a great, light nonfiction read like this one totally makes my day.There hav Heads in Beds is the perfect dessert book Dessert books are the books you want to read when you don t want to cry at the end or get too emotionally involved in an overly intricate plot or when you really don t want to think too hard about anything at the end of a shitty day Sometimes people might think that lighter reading fare means that it s intrinsically not good, but that s just a matter of perspective For me, a great, light nonfiction read like this one totally makes my day.There have been comparisons of Heads in Beds to Kitchen Confidential and that s fair Tomsky spews the secrets of the hospitality industry without filter except to disguise guests and celebrities and it s all very voyeuristic and exciting From tips about tipping to how to get the contents of the minibar for free, Tomsky leaves no stone or bed ha unturned I think sometimes these industry tell all type books fall back on shock value or the disgust factor to amp up buzz around the book, but Tomsky doesn t need to do that The reason Heads in Beds works so well is because Tomsky is able to be snarky and insidery which can sometimes read as smug , but he still comes off as a genuinely likable person


  3. Kimberly Kimberly says:

    This book is not what I expected I travel often and frequent hotels I was hoping for some behind the scenes action and useful tips If this is what the heart of hotels looks like then eww this book is trashy crass The author is a bitter and nasty, and by the end of the book he drowns his troubles in alcohol drugs Essentially, what I got from this book was unless I tip exorbitantly I could expect shit service and a shit experience I don t know about you but I m not about to toss aroun This book is not what I expected I travel often and frequent hotels I was hoping for some behind the scenes action and useful tips If this is what the heart of hotels looks like then eww this book is trashy crass The author is a bitter and nasty, and by the end of the book he drowns his troubles in alcohol drugs Essentially, what I got from this book was unless I tip exorbitantly I could expect shit service and a shit experience I don t know about you but I m not about to toss around 10s and 20s, nevermind a brick I also found the way he mimicked the vernacular of blacks, latinos, and Asians extremely offensive If I walked in the lobby of a hotel he was behind the front desk, I would abandon my reservation I do not recommend this book


  4. Diane Diane says:

    In this Age of Memoir, I guess we were due for one by a hotel clerk Jacob Tomsky s book focuses on his experiences working at two hotels a luxury one in New Orleans and a Midtown one in New York All names have been changed, so there s no point stating them He even changed his own name in the text to Tommy Thomas In his introduction, he brags that he has worked in hotels forthan a decade and that he s probably checked us in before Jacob Tommy Thomas promises to give the reader advic In this Age of Memoir, I guess we were due for one by a hotel clerk Jacob Tomsky s book focuses on his experiences working at two hotels a luxury one in New Orleans and a Midtown one in New York All names have been changed, so there s no point stating them He even changed his own name in the text to Tommy Thomas In his introduction, he brags that he has worked in hotels forthan a decade and that he s probably checked us in before Jacob Tommy Thomas promises to give the reader advice on how to get the best deal and the best service, which I will summarize for you Tip the front desk clerk when you first arrive This may get you a room upgrade, free movies, a late checkout time, etc BOOM I just saved you 240 pages You re welcome.OK, so there s a bitto it then just sliding a 20 to the clerk He also recommends being nice to the staff which is generally a good policy to live by but in a hotel, if you manage to piss off the wrong person, you could end up with a string of annoyances, such as getting a room near a noisy elevator, getting mysterious wrong number calls, having your key card not work, etc He frequently says that a hotel staff is like a family, and they will trade stories about the guests who are mean, and the ones who are nice So always be nice Jacob Tommy Thomas has some decent stories about learning the hotel trade he started out as a parking valet, worked his way up to the front desk and later became a housekeeping manager but he comes across as an arrogant jerk, which made me like this book less For someone who boasts that he has a philosophy degree and that he s wicked smart, he could bephilosophical in his attitude.I used to be a hotel clerk, so I could relate to some of his stories But there was so much padding in the memoir that this would have made a better essay in The New Yorker It didn t need to be upgraded to a book.One of the promotional blurbs on the back cover is from Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Jacob Tomsky is a star The kid writes like a dream Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian I love this book Keep an eye on this writer I m telling you, he s a star I agree with one word in that paragraph hustler Tomsky is a hustler He even uses that word to describe himself in how he hustles for tips from guests When I started this book, I expected to give it a 4 star rating for Tomsky s fun hotel stories But his arrogance and narcissism wore me down and I dropped this to 3 stars


  5. John John says:

    Well I made it through the book OK, so I skimmed in places , though at around the 2 3 mark I was sorely tempted to bail Two stars out of five reflects that roughly 40% of the book has redeeming value, and the rest didn t, between repetition, attitude, and the author s personal life.First part covers his time at a new upscale hotel in New Orleans, where the author starts as a valet parker, bonding with the largely non white crew Then, he s promoted to front desk there, and we get much of t Well I made it through the book OK, so I skimmed in places , though at around the 2 3 mark I was sorely tempted to bail Two stars out of five reflects that roughly 40% of the book has redeeming value, and the rest didn t, between repetition, attitude, and the author s personal life.First part covers his time at a new upscale hotel in New Orleans, where the author starts as a valet parker, bonding with the largely non white crew Then, he s promoted to front desk there, and we get much of that 40% relevancy with his work in that establishment He saves up a lot of salary, working so many hours after being promoted to a housekeeping manager, that he has no social life to spend much on So, he resigns to bum around Europe.Second part begins with his return from Europe to New York where, needing money, he takes a front office job at a faded hotel whose name still means something, although the guests seem to be mostly Priceline and business folks trying to stay within their per diems He bonds with the largely non white staff yet again, which I mention as he dwells on that Eventually, the hotel is sold to a private equity firm, which guts the place, making impressive but shoddy refurbishments, doubles the rates to attract the Glitterati, and fires as much existing staff as they can Author is union protected so gets to stay They keep harassing him, and writing him up to build up a termination case, yet he hangs on, out of stubbornness, and financial considerations.Other reviewers have mentioned that they wouldn t want him as an employee, and question his single sided view of events, to which I add an Amen Ironically, new hires require drug tests, but he mentions in passing that in NYC he was arrested for using drugs I don t think he meant pot with co workers in public I ve been an elite in a couple of hotel chain programs for a while now, and his antics don t match my experiences much at all The audiobook, which he narrates himself, highlights his coarse punkishness Pro s explanation of organizational structure of hotels, examples of dealing with both nice, and far from nice guests.Con s where to begin bragging about his drug use, lots of profanity, interchanging the term tip with bribe often , bragging about being a toyboy having sex with Sugar Mama in public places, bragging about celebrity guests, feeling incredibly sorry for himself for being miserable in a job where they outright want him to go, and throwing around throwing around money to employees as a swell idea he mentions it so often that I feel compelled to count that twice here.Despite my harsh comments, I think his heart is in the right place, but his personality on the whole was a real turn off


  6. Kelli Kelli says:

    I m batting zero with my library audio app lately I had bookmarked several lines to put in this review, I even double checked them and added notesand there are no bookmarksso, that s that I hate to comment on arrogance and profanity without the quotes I hated this book for a good portion in the beginning because he reminded me of a kid from the suburbs trying to act like he s from the mean streets by dropping a string of expletives and offensively mimicking vernacular Something shifted I m batting zero with my library audio app lately I had bookmarked several lines to put in this review, I even double checked them and added notesand there are no bookmarksso, that s that I hate to comment on arrogance and profanity without the quotes I hated this book for a good portion in the beginning because he reminded me of a kid from the suburbs trying to act like he s from the mean streets by dropping a string of expletives and offensively mimicking vernacular Something shiftedthan halfway through, and he seemed to drop the tough guy act Maybe he is the hustler he claims to be 2.5 starsAlso worth noting, the author seemed to think that all dear guests were interested in his insider tips on how to steal movies and basically empty the minibar for days on end free of charge by just lying Sleazy


  7. La Petite Américaine La Petite Américaine says:

    With Heads in Beds A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So Called Hospitality, something unprecedented has happened in the publishing industry they published a book by wait for it a good writer gasp


  8. Margitte Margitte says:

    This will be short n sweet, since I m typing on my ipad, and doing a road trip with a challenging meeting behind me.The author provides several good reasons why you should not stay in hotels, if you re not into bribes, extortion or abundant tips You will regret it My mouth hung open for most of the book Rudeness will cost you dearly Don t despair, the disgruntled desk clerk also explains in detail how to raid the minibar and get away with it The friendships and wacky lingo between employ This will be short n sweet, since I m typing on my ipad, and doing a road trip with a challenging meeting behind me.The author provides several good reasons why you should not stay in hotels, if you re not into bribes, extortion or abundant tips You will regret it My mouth hung open for most of the book Rudeness will cost you dearly Don t despair, the disgruntled desk clerk also explains in detail how to raid the minibar and get away with it The friendships and wacky lingo between employees was hilarious A few tender memories balanced it all out.But really, sabotaging the business which paid their salaries was the same as cutting off your nose to spite your face and was annoying big time While causing financial losses, the employees unionized themselves in protecting themselves against being fired Amazing.I enjoy reading this book, since there was much to ponder and much to remember It was really entertaining and relaxing Worth it


  9. Vegantrav Vegantrav says:

    Having worked as in the service industry both as a waiter and front desk agent , I had high expectations for Jacob Tomsky s memoir about life as a front desk agent at a luxury hotel.And I was not disappointed Tomsky s description of life in the service industry is spot on the great friends you make on the job, the after hours drinking and commiseration with said friends, the casual use of profanity what you don t swear spend 2 months as a waiter or a front desk agent, and you goddamned wil Having worked as in the service industry both as a waiter and front desk agent , I had high expectations for Jacob Tomsky s memoir about life as a front desk agent at a luxury hotel.And I was not disappointed Tomsky s description of life in the service industry is spot on the great friends you make on the job, the after hours drinking and commiseration with said friends, the casual use of profanity what you don t swear spend 2 months as a waiter or a front desk agent, and you goddamned will, mother fucker , the way you hate management and massage or completely disregard idiotic management policies, the mind numbing tedium of most interactions with your customers which is relieved almost always by angry assholes whom you learn to appreciate solely for their entertainment value and the once in a great while genuinely positive interactions with customers who are also really great people Heads in Beds is a book about the inner workings of life in the hotel industry, but it sthan that it s a dramatic soap opera, at time hilarious and at times sad, about the lives of the hotel employees If you know nothing about the hotel business, you will leave this book with a good education, but you ll also learn a lot about how to treat the people who work in the service industry you might think this would be obvious, but you might also be surprised by the portion of the population composed of assholes or of people just too callous and self centered to give a second thought to their bellmen, doormen, concierges, front desk agents, waiters, cab drivers, etc , and that s the best lesson from this book.Tomsky writes as if he is telling a story to his friends, which makes for very enjoyable reading, and he is a great storyteller


  10. Oliver Schnusenberg Oliver Schnusenberg says:

    I ll start with what I liked about this book As I would say to anyone who seems angry or upset with me in this case, it seems, the author is in general pretty upset with guests , I appreciate the candor In the author s words, Boom That s it.What I don t appreciate and this list is longer 1 Thanks for trying to tell me how to game the system and, essentially, steal and cheat No interest, thanks, though 2 It seems the author is bipolar In parts of the book, he has whole monologues about I ll start with what I liked about this book As I would say to anyone who seems angry or upset with me in this case, it seems, the author is in general pretty upset with guests , I appreciate the candor In the author s words, Boom That s it.What I don t appreciate and this list is longer 1 Thanks for trying to tell me how to game the system and, essentially, steal and cheat No interest, thanks, though 2 It seems the author is bipolar In parts of the book, he has whole monologues about the importance of guest service These last for about two paragraphs each and must have been written after a positive guest experience Then you turn the page, and the author goes on a ten page rampage about guests, management, and anything non union.3 It s nice to know that you will turn around and bad mouth me to all your co workers unless I tip you at least 20 up front That really makes me want to treat you real special 4 Let s see a you don t care about guests, b you only care about your cash flow, c you will actually take steps to give guests an unpleasant experience such as the key bomb if they upset you and, finally d YOU WORK IN A SERVICE INDUSTRY Guess what, you should have been fired.Ultimately, the author states he really doesn t care if we, as guests, have a good experience What he cares about is the money So why on earth would I tip you up front, taking away the incentive of making my experience better A tip is for service performed In a way, this book is the ultimate hustle


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